Coasting through life only ever took me so far
In so many ways following my natural path filled me with a lot of joy. That was until it didn’t.
I don’t look back and regret my life, however at the same time I can so easily see how I was a victim of my limitations I had set myself. Starting from school, I really did not know who I was, only who I wasn’t. I didn’t easily fit in to the box that made me as likable as I wanted to be. I now look back and am proud of how I always honoured myself, however back then it made me feel broken.
I chose the easy life, never pushing myself until I was beyond ready for the next move. Convincing myself it was because I wasn’t sure I wanted the next step, when really I was super scared of not being enough compared to those around me.
My biggest issue was my lack of identity. I didn’t know who I was, what I really thought, or what I wanted. I honestly just didn’t know, and the not knowing used to eat away at my self esteem.
Joy found me anyway
I truly believe that there are no wrong choices in life. Our journey will be full of the same lessons no matter the path we are on. My journey for the first 30 years of my life allowed me to travel the world, meet some amazing people and found me my husband. I had many roles at work I was extremely happy in and proud of.
But external joy is always limited
I found that even with such an enjoyable life, something big was always missing. It felt like a aching hole in my heart. I tried filling it with more amazing experiences, but it never quite hit the nail on the head.
I still lacked my own identity and purpose. If you took away everything around me, I was always still left with me.
Finally the fear and discomfort of how I felt was more than the fear and discomfort of looking for the answers.
The journey I then embarked on was the most rewarding adventure of my life. No round the world trip gave the same satisfaction and fulfilment as discovering who I was, finding my passions that gave me life and loving who I was and what I brought to the world.
As my inner world became as, if not more, exciting then my outer world, I started to show up different, and life started falling in to place. In my first year I had achieved more that I was proud of then all my previous years put together.
My fear of running out of time was soon put to bed when I realised I got to control time.
My fear of not knowing and choosing wrong, got replaced with a deep knowing inside that would become my navigation.
My fear of being judged was nothing compared to my need to live true to who I was.
Life satisfaction now comes to me in the most surprising and simply ways. You could say my life is a whole lot simpler than before, but so much more enriched.